Make it count.

The main person I went to visit in DR this past week was my aunt/godmother. She was diagnosed with cancer just as I was finishing up my chemo treatments, and I hadn't had a chance to see her. When I went to visit, she had just finished one of her treatments a couple of days prior, so she was really out of it. The entire time I was sitting beside her, my heart was in my throat. This was a woman who was a no BS workaholic. She would have the flu and still wake up at 5am to go to work, and if she even thought you were going to show up at her house, she would have a buffet of food set up just for you. Never in my 31 years of life have I seen her break down (aside from when my grandmother-her mother-died). To see her in such a fragile state was heartbreaking. All I could think of was about my husband and my kids and my own mom seeing me that way when I was going through that. It takes a lot to knock the women in my family down. It takes a lot to knock any woman down. But sometimes it happens. Sometimes life gives us this massive reminder that says, "Hey, you're human and I'm going to make you remember that." And it doesn't bode well with the women in my family. It just doesn't. While we were there, my mom made a comment to her about staying strong and getting through this, and my aunt turned to me and said, "You understand what this is like. Most days I just want to go to sleep and never wake up again." All I could do was nod, because I do understand it and because I hate that she has to understand it. I hate seeing people I love go through this. I hate that somebody who carried me and lifted me up so many times when I fell knows what that feels like. It hurts me more to know that unlike me, she’s not going to get better, and she knows it. She kept saying, “I’m just glad you’re better. I’m just buying time.” And I said, “So am I.” Because whether we’re sick or not, we’re all just buying time. The only difference is us sick people think about it and respect it a little more because we feel our clock ticking. Reliving all of that, through her, reminded me of all of that once again. Life is hectic, I know this, but if you take five minutes each day to do two things, I think you’ll appreciate it a little more. Five minutes to tell your loved ones they matter, and five minutes to remind yourself how much you matter and how well you’re doing. That’s all you need to do. And if you can throw in one good deed, you’d be surprised how much more fulfilled you’ll be. They’re simple things, and they don’t take a long time do accomplish, but they’re things that you’ll cling on to when you need them most. Try it. Life is short. Make it count :)